Having only one car has given the kids and I a lot more time together...and amazingly..given me a lot of time away from home and all the distractions that keep me from spending any real quiet time with the Lord. It seems that from the minute I get up until the minute I get to bed..there are distractions, interruptions, tasks, and temptations to do any number of things.
When I decided to join Rebekah's 30/30 challenge, well..I wasn't sure I could really do it. But the Lord knew I really WANTED to and NEEDED to. So guess what..he just made it happen. Here I was happily typing away...leaving comments...blogging etc. and the local junior college while waiting for a son to get out of class. After about an hour..my computer just flaked out.. Who knows what happened... but I almost think the Lord 'pulled' the plug out. LoL! Does He do that? Well....I think it's just possible...
So I packed up and drove to Chili's to pick up Rebekah. I thought I'd get her and then go back and get Jacob. So I'm just sitting in the parking lot...worrying about the Tuesday Tea post I wrote..and would it upset anyone...Did the Lord really want me to write it or not? Who knows..It's done and in his hands for better or worse. Regardless, my stomach was just in knots...I was worrying about a lot of things..the least of which was my blog. :o) I decided to just turn on the Christian radio station...hoping some light and grace would shine in the midst of my discouraged outlook. It just isn't normal at all for me to feel like this. I'm normally so optimistic! But it's been about a week of feeling uneasy without really know what I was feeling uneasy about.
One thing that was weighing on me is certainly that I hadn't heard from my son in Afghanistan since his anguished call telling us his best friend had just blown up. And he wouldn't reply to my messages... It's hard to communicate when you are in shock and miserable. I had to remind myself that the Lord was right there with him and could comfort him much better than I ever could. So I'd been praying day and night for this poor troubled son..the only one who has had so much difficulty as an adult.
As I listened to the music..and the words..the SON did indeed begin to shine. I began to feel peace...and I began to hear from the Lord about one of the things most weighing on my heart this week. I'd had a misunderstanding with one child..tending to react to negative statements being made very loudly...without really looking deeper into WHY there was so much reaction and 'bad attitude'.
I know better than to just react. But it's so easy to do. One child or another is jumping on another..and my first response is to jump on said child for their 'bad attitude'. So I just make the bickering kids stop. Partly it's to limit the damage being done by the unkind or harsh statements. But partly, I was just too busy to get to the bottom of the problem.
For some reason, I just haven't been paying good attention to my responsibility as a parent to really work with the kids. The one thing I can do, if I take the trouble, is help the kids to talk through why they are upset..and also to help them understand the other kid's perspective too. I'd forgotten the hard learned lesson I had really grasped several years ago when the kids were all younger.
Listening is the quickest way to a teenager's heart. They will never feel accepted and understood..if I don't ignore the 'surface' sin and try to get to the bottom of why they are saying the things they are. Listening helps me understand...and clears away their own bad feelings enough to see things from the other child's point of view. When I listen...then they are able to listen too. When everyone is listening to everyone else's perspective..then there is true communication...true resolution..and real relationship.
Listening says.."I Love You" louder than anything else I can possibly do as a mother. And Listening without JUDGEMENT. Just because a child is angry does not make them the culprit in the conflict. Nor does it make them innocent. Usually, conflicts in the home are very complicated. Who knows what came first..the chicken or the egg. But if I am faithful to parent from the Lord's perspective..equipped by my own quiet times of prayer and reading in God's word, then eventually conflicts will be resolved..more quickly..and soon we will only be dealing with current difficulties..not weeks of unresolved problems leading to bitterness on all sides.
To keep short accounts, I have to deal with every conflict..until it really is completely resolved. This takes time.. It's the most important job that I, as a mom, have to do.
Lord, please forgive me for not listening like I should have...for not taking the time to listen..for being too self-centered to realize the spiritual significance of every moment of time I spend investing in my children's lives. Their relationships with each other and with me will affect everyone they meet for the next 60 years. I need to take time to stop talking...stop doing...and listen. To guide, encourage..and perhaps lovingly correct. You will show me what is really needed.
1 comments:
Such a good reminder.
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