Day 1 Accepted, Loved, Whole..

 

 Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: 
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; 
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

Rebekah, my daughter, started a blog to journal her reflections as she spends 30 minutes every day for the next 30 days with the Lord. It was a challenge she set for herself..and I asked to join her.

I was so amazed..and dumbfounded to read her thoughts.. 

I didn't know the Lord had done so much in her heart. Like her Dad, she is better at expressing her thoughts in writing than verbally. I was awed and humbled to see how God was working in her..and how beautiful her faith really was.

I was in awe of the wholeness in her. I only just began to experience that in the last ten years. Growing up in the pain, darkness, and self-doubt that I did,  has made me more of a survivor of many battles than a trusting child of a loving father.  The wounds still show..you can hear them when I write...

As a mother, though,  I feel almost like breathing this huge sigh of relief. My kids did not suffer as I did. They know that they are loved..safe...secure in God's hands.  It's such a miracle..that I didn't repeat the past...

It took me years to know that I'm loved... And even now the doubts creep in...

I've finally begun to understand that the Lord needs broken, wounded people, who have been healed...as much as he needs whole people full of light and unshakable confidence to show the 'whole message' of his grace and power.

Rebekah speaks from the place of someone who has known love all of her life 

and has no reason to doubt that love in the midst of the trials of that life 

however painful they may be. 

When I read her words and thoughts..I'm in awe...

I sit and gaze at the Power and the Goodness..and the Reality of God in a person's life. I can hardly understand it because it is so foreign to my natural understanding.

I am almost always working from the position of coming out of great darkness into his marvelous light. I'm afraid my words reveal the deep hurts of the past...  It fills me with compassion for the hurting..the wounded..the lost.. I understand them so well.

The past doesn't cripple me but it can derail me if I'm not staying close to the Lord. I'm so often filled with joy..and peace. But my perspective is still that of the prodigal daughter who still can't believe I'm wearing a clean robe, and a ring on my finger. 

I marvel at the beauty of my heavenly place in my Father's house. 

Can it be real? Will it last? Surely I don't belong here.

There must be some mistake...

and yet the Lord knows I that I feel that way sometimes..That I'm timid..

and He graciously takes my hand and draws me in...

with the assurance that I'm accepted unconditionally..

Accepted in the Beloved...faults and all..failures and all...

My sinfulness looms large in my mind...

But when I read my daughter's words...and when I take time to be still and listen...

I see the light of God's love and grace...Pure, Strong..Whole...

Unshakeable...Immovable..Unconditional.

Thank you Lord for rescuing me...

Help me stay close because you know that  I simply can't walk alone...