Day 10: Dying to Self Fully... Living for God..Wholly

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 2 Cor. 4:17.

Psalm 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

The last few days have been extremely busy..and Sunday was very hard for me. So much soul searching..and feeling that nagging feeling of grief over attitudes I still can't seem to overcome. I realized yet again, that I haven't really learned how to truly love unconditionally. I'm happy to love my friends..that's the easy part..but to love those who are hard to love..that's something, truly, that only God can do in us.

I think the Lord was really confronting me with the fact that he wants "all of my heart"..not just 90%. And when he says to leave justice to him, he expects me to leave ALL of it to him. I don't get to harbor even a teeny tiny bit of 'attitude' towards anyone, no matter how justified I might be.

It's too easy to be just a little uncharitable or ungracious towards someone we think has hurt us. But the Lord is so good to point out to me, "Donna..that's not good enough. I want 100% love..100% dying to yourself. 100% of laying down your rights."  You don't get even one little smidgen of pride, retribution, or finger pointing.  It all belongs to me..you..belong to me.

Dying to self is just no fun. Part of me is always trying to scramble to reserve just a little bit of self for me. What really happens is that your whole 'self' revives it's ugly head if you give room for even the tiniest bit. Selfishness never works. It brings pain, bitterness, and damage every time..to someone.

Lord, I'm sorry for not being willing to live wholly for you, with nothing held back. Please give me the grace to withstand the temptations you have allowed in my life. Help me not to complain that the trial is too hard or too long or thinking that it isn't fair. I know that suffering is so GOOD for me however miserable it might feel at the time.  


In the end, there is peace, joy, patience, and understanding. Today, I feel peace. I see the 'big picture'. All things really do work for my good..and the good of others too. Help me trust that you are in control of even the smallest of details.

Truly, weeping endures for the night, but Joy does come in the morning!

Day 6: Seven Secrets to Making a Happy Home

If you are reading my homemaking blog, then I can safely assume that being a  good homemaker is important to you. I”m sure that most of my readers, regardless of their position in life, job or no job, artist or seamstress, Grandma or mom, or wife or single woman have, at heart…a genuine desire to make a beautiful home..even if only for yourself.  And most of us have at least one person, spouse, child, or parent living with us and we usually are the ones who take on the ‘job’ of providing  a good home for those we love as well as ourselves.  Since my blog is expressly written to help you be a better homemaker, it makes sense that I would want to pass on my personal tips on how to be successful in this endeavor.  It’s truly taken years for me to get to the place that I felt I was a truly successful homemaker. It might help if I define what I mean by successful.  

I know that I’m being successful when I’m faithfully doing my best to provide for my family’s basic needs: food, clothes, clean home, frugal living, education, relationship, with a loving caring heart. Can I do this all by my own wits, creativity, and strength? No..I sure can’t. None of us can do all of this apart from God’s grace.  But here are some key things that will help us get as close to this mark as possible.

I’d like to tell you that I’m sharing these tips from a good book…not personal experience. But the fact is that I’ve failed in all of these areas at one time or another.  Most of these ‘tips’ have been learned the hard way. I’m not saying that I didn’t learn much of this from good teachers and books, but I also had to live it.  I couldn’t tell you which book or teacher I got most of this from. I just know it’s true from personal experience. But certainly, God’s word is the foundation for most of the truths shared here.  

ATTITUDE ~ Take Time to Be Alone With God—First thing..every day or just before bed.  The old adage, “If Momma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” is 100% correct. If you are not happy with your spouse, your children, your circumstances, your income, or anything else… and you express those bad feelings on a regular basis then all the rest is going to mean nothing in the eyes of your spouse and children.   When we take time to pray and read God’s word, we are able to give our worries to God and think ‘according to truth’. We need the encouragement of knowing the Lord is with us and holding us up in every difficulty. We need joy...the kind that helps us rise above whatever circumstances we might be in...and we need to know we are loved so we can love our children.  Stinking thinking,  as Flylady calls it, will make everything you do as a homemaker worthless in the eyes of those you are making that home for.   When the Lord fills your cup, then you can fill your families cup and guide them with wisdom and grace.  (See I Cor. 13)

MARRIAGE~ Put Your Hubby First…  Love him, respect him, Enjoy him and meet his needs as best you can. It’s the best gift you can give your children. Get counseling if you need to, read books, and make your marriage the priority.  A whole churchful of kids were once polled and asked, “If you could change anything about your home life…what would it be?”  The pastor was certain that they would say they wanted more social freedom, more money or nicer things etc.  Imagine the shock when the number one response was, “I wish Mom and Dad wouldn’t fight so much. Or it’s always tense. I wish Mom wouldn’t be so mad at Dad.”      By the way, a child-centered home is miserable for everyone and turns your children into little tyrants. You do your kids a big favor by not letting them think that everything revolves around them.  (Read the Song of Solomon…This is what marriage is all about!) :o)

HOME ~ Give Your Home and Your Family Your Best…not just the leftovers… Where is your heart and focus?  Work First, Play Later…    Laziness and self-indulgence will keep you from ever having a home where your family and spouse will want to be. You can SAY that you love your spouse or children, but if you sit around all day on the computer or watching TV or pursuing your hobbies, they will never believe you and they will be right. Love requires ACTION. Your family and YOU for that matter deserve clean clothes, clean house, meals on time,  and more.  So what if no one will help. Set the example with a happy heart and everyone will be much more interested in jumping on board. Hobbies, passions, pursuits and even jobs must not be your focus if you want to have a truly happy family and home. Happiness is not ‘doing what you love’ but LOVING what you HAVE to do. Choose to be happy about whatever your season of life is…it Willl change one day. I promise! Proverbs 31:13-17

FINANCES~ Live Within Your Means – Overspending and money problems are one of the number one reasons for divorce in this country. If like me, you struggle in this area, talk it over with your spouse. Ask him to take over the finances as I did. Sure I’m a better number cruncher…a budget geek..but I also am more prone to unplanned spending. And I’m somewhat of a pushover. It’s really hard to tell my kids NO even when I know we can’t really afford something. When the teens have to ask DAD for something…well..ha!..they just don’t! LoL!  Some of us need the accountability of having both spouses involved. We’ve never fought over money, but partly I think that is just because Hubby is so gracious. But that makes me all the more determined to not spend on frivolous things. When in doubt, ask your spouse! (Proverbs 31: 10-18)

PARENTING~ Take Time for Your Kids …Listen to your Teens…they want YOU not better stuff..better schools…better car..or bigger house.  If you over-schedule your life or theirs, you simply will not have time to play, listen, train your children, be patient during conflict.   If you work to build good relationships with your husband and or children…with plenty of down time..just being together and having fun, then you will not only have memories to last a life time and peace in your heart that you have done your best for your kids, you will send them out into the world equipped to have loving families of their own.    Success in any other are of life will taste pretty sour, if you put all of your energy into those things at the expense of your family.  Don’t ‘save the whole world and lose your own.’  Proverbs 31:26-28

REST AND RECREATION~  Doing things together is one of the best medicines for preventing the family dysfunction that plagues our generation. Turn off the TV and the computer…and do something..FUN! Spend time together as a couple and as a family.  Tim and I love to play pool, watch airplanes land at night, and watch ‘cerebral’ movies together and we love driving on long trips or short drives, all as a couple. It’s so nice to get out and have some alone time—a rare commodity in a house full of teens. And as a family, we love to camp, play games, (even computer ones), travel, support each other at speech and debate events, and we all love to square dance together. If one person is competing in some event, we all want to be there to cheer them on. And movies are no fun, unless we are all watching them together…and sigh..’critiquing’  them together. (We do have some cynics in the family. Ha!)  Morning devotions are just one way that we stay close…as well as family dinners. And Mom, it is OK to work on some creative projects! Tim and I love working on our ‘personal’ hobbies sometimes during the week. It’s a great way to ‘re-charge’. :o)

WORSHIP~ If our home is ‘us’ centered rather than God centered, I can pretty much guarantee you that there will be problems.  If we or our children don’t know who God is and that he loves them and they don’t know right from wrong or worse don’t even believe there is such a thing…their lives will always have a huge gaping hole. They will fill this hole with drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, or perhaps over achievement, a greedy pursuit of money or things.  Teen-suicide is at an all time high in our country. I truly believe it’s because when you have nothing ‘worth dying for..you have nothing worth living for’.  They need to know that there is real purpose and meaning to their lives both here and for eternity.  Regular worship and learning about God is critical to having a truly happy home. Proverbs 31:19-21

19“You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. 20“You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

 In summary, we can clean our homes, decorate them beautifully, and ‘do it all’ as a woman, but there is no guarantee that we will have a happy home. To do that requires a dedicated focus on caring for and meeting the needs of our family.  Really, a happy home has more to do with loving people, than living in a dream house, eating organic food, or doing our ‘duty’.   Our family wants US…not a house, food or clothes. It’s the people in a house, and how well they relate to each other that makes a truly happy home. We can make a happy home in a jungle, a tent, or a motel, and if our heart is in it, our home will be happy. I Cor. 13: 1-6

Let’s reflect today on these areas, and ask ourselves if we are doing all we can to love those living in our homes…or if we are a focused on things that don’t last..  What do you want to be remembered for?  A lovely house, a successful career, your education, appearance, the accomplishments of your children…or for a loving heart…and loving hands.

Day 5: When God says No…

This morning, I was reading my devotional book, Keeping a Quiet Heart.  She said something so profound…and yet so true. Sometimes, you can do your very best…and yet the Lord will still let your ship run completely aground.  You see it coming, and you think, “No Lord..You surely wouldn’t do that would you?”

Why does the Lord sometimes say NO for no discernible reason whatsoever?  Why does he sometimes let a relationship simply not work.  Why should a project fail?Why would he withhold from us some of the normal priceless moments of life…things that would seem to be our natural rights as a parent or grandparent.  What about the birth of a child, marriage, health, etc.  He promises to provide for every need…but he never promised to give us everything we desire or even to guarantee us the normal privileges of every day life. 

Sometimes, as Elisabeth Elliott says it so well, we simply need pruning… but what struck me most was this possibility…

“Heaven is not HERE it’s THERE. If we were given all we wanted here, our hearts would settle for this world rather than the next. God is forever luring us up and away from this one, wooing us to Himself and His still invisible Kingdom, where we will certainly find what we so keenly long for.”  Running aground then, is not the end of the world. But it helps to make the world a bit less appealing. It may even be God’s answer to, “Lead us not into temptation”—the temptation complacently to settle for visible things.”  from Keep a Quiet Heart.

I thought of this the day I accidentally deleted a Windows Live album on Picasa web albums. All of my hard work…plunk..gone with one key. It will take weeks to repair and replace photos. I probably won’t replace them all.  I couldn’t quite see why the Lord couldn’t have just stopped me before that last little key stroke. But he didn’t. It was really a small thing…a blog…compared to things like losing a loved one, or having a house sale fall through…or never getting pregnant.  Those are all biggies to varying degrees.  The Lord did get me on this though.  Do I love HIM most? Am I spending more time with him…than on my blog? Is it really for him…or for me? 

It’s very easy for me to enjoy life here. I LOVE life! I love making things, doing things, and spending time with my family. I love cleaning house and decorating…and taking photos. I love dates with hubby. But these are all temporary pleasures. My house could burn down tomorrow…   I may have to quit sewing one day due to my circulation problems.  I could lose a family member in a moment. It’s awful to think of.  I’m glad the Lord reminded me that HE is jealous of my heart and affection.  It was a painful lesson..but not as painful as it could of been.

I’m thanking the Lord for the blessings he’s given me..and enjoying every moment I have with those I love.  But Lord, I’ll still love you, even if you take some of those  things away.  After all…It’s your kingdom that I want most! Thank you for letting some things run aground.  As the hymn writer sang,

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Listen here..

Blessings…

Donna

Day 4: Faith versus My Feelings

8“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
         Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.

9“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
         So are My ways higher than your ways
         And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Having one of those PMS days? I know all about that.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the years is NOT to rely on my ‘feelings’. I’ve historically been one of the most emotionally driven people I know. In a way, hitting ‘menopause’ has been one of the most blessed events of my life! Hurrah!! Now I get to sit and ‘stoically’ respond to the ups and downs of life without looking like I’ve lost my mind.  I look pretty mature no matter what the circumstances… So this is how the male world feels?! Wow..awesome!

You just can’t imagine how hard it is to ‘look’ like a mature responsible adult  when you cry about absolutely everything!  Does your family have to ask, “Are those happy tears or sad tears Mom?”  Poor Tim…I don’t know how he has managed to stay sane while living with my hormonal ups and downs.  Whether happy, sad, angry, or tired..I’ll probably cry.   He and Eleanor  (of Sense and Sensibility) have a lot in common.

Hormone days, as I call ‘that time of the month’ are the craziest of all. Thank goodness..I don’t get mad as I know some women do, but I will cry at the absolute drop of the hat. Like Marianne, I just weep and weep…  The funny thing is that after years of this cyclical event, I’m now no longer ‘caught off guard’.  How do I know nothing is wrong? Ah..I just know.  I began to realize, early on in my married life, that if I was suddenly overly upset or anguished about something and knew that I normally wasn’t upset about the issue…then it must be ‘the day’ or fast approaching. It helped me to separate true issues that needed to be resolved over just the emotional upheaval of my hormonal roller coaster ride.  It makes sense to mark the day on a calendar..and then warn the whole family…hormone day is coming? Watch out…it’s ‘that time of the month’.

It might be good to note here that we women probably need to remember that having a PMS day is no excuse to let our hubby or family ‘have it’…just because we are feeling bad. I had that little ‘talk’ with Rebekah when she was eleven.  For some totally unexplained reason…she just about pummelled her little brother Christian. All he was doing was waving monopoly money in her face…over and over again. Normally, she would just laugh it off and make him stop. But that day…well..he got more than he bargained for.    I quickly realized that Rebekah must be on the verge of that hormonal transition that we women all make around that time of life. So we had ‘the talk’. Yes, you  may feel like walloping your brother more than you normally do..but we musn’t give in to those feelings. 

We’ve learned to give ourselves a ‘time out’ from normal life at times like that. Kind of like the werewolf who locked himself in at night so he wouldn’t ‘wreak havoc’ while in his ‘wolf’ form, I’ve sometimes been tempted to do the same thing myself. Ha!  What I have done is make a point of not making any decision or even allowing myself to THINK about anything truly important at that time.  That’s a good rule of thumb period. If you are upset…then put off those big discussions and decisions for at least 24 hours.  And don’t have major discussions with dear hubby at night. Bad idea.  You’re both tired. Wait till morning! Things look so much brighter and reasonable in the morning!

Why did the Lord orchestrate the arrival of menopause to coincide with the hormonal upheaval of puberty in five teenagers? I don’t know…except that he may just have a strange sense of humor..or maybe he wants to show just how awesome and powerful he really is! Tee-hee! If He can keep us all loving and gracious in the midst of that storm, which he has, then He’s pretty awesome right?  I do know that it has been during this last few years of family ‘hormonal’ stew, that I’ve learned to walk a lot more by faith..and less by my feelings.

I’ve had to live more on my knees…and I’ve learned NOT to trust my judgment so much. I’ve learned to pray truly in faith..knowing I just couldn’t do it on my own. It’s so hard to be ‘objective’ when emotions are overwhelming you.  That’s why I’ve learned to ‘love the Lord with all of my mind’. I’ve finally learned that what I think is going to overflow into how I feel.

As Flylady says so well, we need to get rid of ‘stinking thinking’.  That’s what devotions are all about…renewing our mind. God’s ways really aren’t our ways, nor are his thoughts our thoughts.  It really doesn’t matter how I feel…what matters is what does the bible say. What is the truth?  If he says it, that really does settle. No need to worry about how I feel.  God is there..unchanging..faithful…loving me, loving my family, caring for us in every way whether it ‘feels’ like it or not.

All of this ran through my mind during my devotions today. I got away to spend time with the Lord and didn’t feel anything…at all. But I did it anyway. I read his word, I worshiped him, I prayed about everything that needed to be prayed about, and I just sat there in His presence knowing that he really was ‘present’. So what if I didn’t ‘feel’ anything?  It doesn’t change the facts. God is there…listening and always will be.  Sometimes, I’m really grateful that I have these times of feeling nothing..however much they may be hormonally related..because it gives me a chance to truly walk by ‘faith’.   As Bill Gothard said, “Sometimes, reading God’s word is like cereal…dry..but nourishing!”  So true…

Today I was reminded to meditate on his word, pray, and love him…with all my mind…as well as with all my heart.  Just like water and sunshine cause  a plant to grow…basking in the sunshine and watering of the Lord’s word and presence will help me grow too.  I don’t have to see it happening…I just know it. :o)

Isaiah 55:10-11

10“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
         And do not return there without watering the earth
         And making it bear and sprout,
         And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;

11So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
         It will not return to Me empty,
         Without accomplishing what I desire,
         And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.

Day 3 What’s my Focus…the Future..the Past…or Today?

6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

This afternoon, I decided to take the kids to work and school myself, rather than have them go alone.  I had no idea that that decision would give me the time alone with the Lord that I needed so much today.  This is beginning to happen a lot lately. I told the Lord that I needed to spend more time with him..but I  was feeling rather hopeless about finding that time. If it relied on my own consistency it was unlikely that I would keep up with the 30/30 challenge.

I guess it didn’t rely on me as much as I thought, since the Lord, again, found a way to get me alone with him. Dropping the kids off, I was left with two hours to kill..and decided to get lunch and put on my makeup before going to Starbucks. While I sat eating, I decided to read my devotional..Keeping a Quiet Heart. I read several chapters before I came across the one about the uselessness of worry.

Matthew 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Elisabeth was saying that worrying about anything is not only unscriptural…but useless.  We can’t DO anything about the past except to make restitution.. We can’t undo the past—like the fact that I’m overweight, caused pain in a relationship with a child, or didn’t handle my dad’s money affairs as carefully as I felt I should have. We can’t do anything about possible future problems either…like a child going astray, a child getting hurt or killed. In other words, I shouldn’t get all grieved and in knots over ‘future’ crisis that have not even occurred yet or past events that are already said and done.  All I have any control over at all is today..now…

What I had forgotten,  until the Lord reminded me of it , is that the past and the future are both HIS province..not mine.  I can’t turn back the clock..nor can I stop the problems that may occur in the future. Things have gone wrong and will go wrong..bad will happen..just as good things will. But the future is beyond  my control. If I grieve over future possible bad events..all I’ve done is grieve twice…once now when the bad thing hasn’t happened and again when it does..if it does.  What a waste!

Worrying keeps me from doing anything to repair the past or prevent future problems by freezing me in my tracks. It almost becomes a form of self-pity.  If I’m so busy mentally wallowing in my failures and my fear of future failures..what I’m really doing is making the whole situation worse by my own inaction. Worry and fear stop us cold in our tracks.

It is God’s job to worry about both the past and the future. All he asks of me is to leave those two areas in his hands and simply trust Him..that he is handling those things… I’ve seen enough miracles in my own life and the life of my kids to know he is CAPABLE. The hall of fame is lined with miraculous ways in which God has provided for our family and it  should be more than enough. But Faith can carry all the rest.

Instead, like a child, I must simply pray, trust, and obey.  I can’t undo past wrongs..and I can’t guarantee I will do the right things tomorrow…but I can OBEY TODAY…right now.   Today…I can eat healthy foods. Today.. I can stop eating when I’m full..and not eat that sweet or fatty food.  Today…I can exercise or go for a walk. Today, I can choose NOT to react to my child’s ‘supposed’ bad attitude…and look beyond..and attempt to understand the underlying causes of the bad attitude rather than throw a guilt trip on them for being upset and saying so.  Today I can be loving and gracious to my kids…and respectful and affectionate to my husband.  Today….I can spend time with the Lord.

Today, I can pray about the things outside of my control and ask the Lord to intervene. Prayerless living is a ridiculous proof of self-reliance and doomed to failure.

Yes, I need to acknowledge that I’ve failed…I’m overweight, I’ve hurt my children..and husband…I’ve spent too much money…I haven’t been diligent enough with my Dad’s affairs…I’ve procrastinated too many times and my projects are piled up..and I’m behind.  I can make restitution where I’m able..but only TODAY can I do anything to repair past mistakes or  make tomorrow better.  

If I will do what I know is right TODAY…then the future will take care of itself. If I sit and worry or wallow in self-pity…I only dig the pit a little deeper…entrench the bad habits further…and I don’t get to live in the joy and peace of God’s love, his meticulous care, and his grace covering all my sins.

Worry is easy and natural and requires no effort on my part.   Obedience is hard work..but it is not too hard….I can do this. If I get so focused on my fear of future or growing problems, I will not be free to focus on the solutions to my present difficulties. 

"This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you to understand, and it is not beyond your reach. Deuteronomy 30:11

Thank you Lord for showing me what you would have of me…today.  Help me to obey… in all these things. Help me to pray for those things outside of my control..because prayer does change things.

Day 2 Listening...the Key to Loving My Teens

 

Having only one car has given the kids and I a lot more time together...and amazingly..given me a lot of time away from home and all the distractions that keep me from spending any real quiet time with the Lord. It seems that from the minute I get up until the minute I get to bed..there are distractions, interruptions, tasks, and temptations to do any number of things.

When I decided to join Rebekah's 30/30 challenge, well..I wasn't sure I could really do it. But the Lord knew I really WANTED to and NEEDED to. So guess what..he just made it happen.  Here I was happily typing away...leaving comments...blogging etc. and the local junior college while waiting for a son to get out of class. After about an hour..my computer just flaked out.. Who knows what happened... but I almost think the Lord 'pulled' the plug out. LoL! Does He do that?  Well....I think it's just possible...

So I packed up and drove to Chili's to pick up Rebekah. I thought I'd get her and then go back and get Jacob.  So I'm just sitting in the parking lot...worrying about the Tuesday Tea post I wrote..and would it upset anyone...Did the Lord really want me to write it or not?  Who knows..It's done and in his hands for better or worse. Regardless, my stomach was just in knots...I was worrying about a lot of things..the least of which was my blog. :o) I decided to just turn on the Christian radio station...hoping some light and grace would shine in the midst of my discouraged outlook. It just isn't normal at all for me to feel like this. I'm normally so optimistic!  But it's been about a week of feeling uneasy without really know what I was feeling uneasy about.

One thing that was weighing on me  is certainly that I hadn't heard from my son in Afghanistan since his anguished call telling us his best friend had just blown up. And he wouldn't reply to my messages... It's hard to communicate when you are in shock and miserable.  I had to remind myself that the Lord was right there with him and could comfort him much better than I ever could. So I'd been praying day and night for this poor troubled son..the only one who has had so much difficulty as an adult. 

As I listened to the music..and the words..the SON did indeed begin to shine. I began to feel peace...and I began to hear from the Lord about one of the things most weighing on my heart this week.  I'd had a misunderstanding with one child..tending to react to negative statements being made very loudly...without really looking deeper into WHY there was so much reaction and 'bad attitude'.

I know better than to just react. But it's so easy to do. One child or another is jumping on another..and my first response is to jump on said child for their 'bad attitude'.  So I just make the bickering kids stop. Partly it's to limit the damage being done by the unkind or harsh statements. But partly, I was just too busy to get to the bottom of the problem.

For some reason, I just haven't been paying good attention to my responsibility as a parent to really work with the kids. The one thing I can do, if I take the trouble, is help the kids to talk through why they are upset..and also to help them understand the other kid's perspective too.  I'd forgotten the hard learned lesson I had really grasped several years ago when the kids were all younger.

Listening is the quickest way to a teenager's heart.  They will never feel accepted and understood..if I don't ignore the 'surface' sin and try to get to the bottom of why they are saying the things they are.  Listening helps me understand...and clears away their own bad feelings enough to see things from the other child's point of view.  When I listen...then they are able to listen too. When everyone is listening to everyone else's perspective..then there is true communication...true resolution..and real relationship.

Listening says.."I Love You" louder than anything else I can possibly do as a mother. And Listening without JUDGEMENT. Just because a child is angry does not make them the culprit in the conflict. Nor does it make them innocent.  Usually, conflicts in the home are very complicated. Who knows what came first..the chicken or the egg.  But if I am faithful to parent from the Lord's perspective..equipped by my own quiet times of prayer and reading in God's word, then eventually conflicts will be resolved..more quickly..and soon we will only be dealing with current difficulties..not  weeks of unresolved problems leading to bitterness on all sides.

To keep short accounts, I have to deal with every conflict..until it really is completely resolved. This takes time..  It's the most important job that I, as a mom, have to do.

Lord, please forgive me for not listening like I should have...for not taking the time to listen..for being too self-centered to realize the spiritual significance of every moment of time I spend investing in my children's lives.  Their relationships with each other and with me will affect everyone they meet for the next 60 years. I need to take time to stop talking...stop doing...and listen. To guide, encourage..and perhaps lovingly correct. You will show me what is really needed.

Day 1 Accepted, Loved, Whole..

 

 Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: 
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; 
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

Rebekah, my daughter, started a blog to journal her reflections as she spends 30 minutes every day for the next 30 days with the Lord. It was a challenge she set for herself..and I asked to join her.

I was so amazed..and dumbfounded to read her thoughts.. 

I didn't know the Lord had done so much in her heart. Like her Dad, she is better at expressing her thoughts in writing than verbally. I was awed and humbled to see how God was working in her..and how beautiful her faith really was.

I was in awe of the wholeness in her. I only just began to experience that in the last ten years. Growing up in the pain, darkness, and self-doubt that I did,  has made me more of a survivor of many battles than a trusting child of a loving father.  The wounds still show..you can hear them when I write...

As a mother, though,  I feel almost like breathing this huge sigh of relief. My kids did not suffer as I did. They know that they are loved..safe...secure in God's hands.  It's such a miracle..that I didn't repeat the past...

It took me years to know that I'm loved... And even now the doubts creep in...

I've finally begun to understand that the Lord needs broken, wounded people, who have been healed...as much as he needs whole people full of light and unshakable confidence to show the 'whole message' of his grace and power.

Rebekah speaks from the place of someone who has known love all of her life 

and has no reason to doubt that love in the midst of the trials of that life 

however painful they may be. 

When I read her words and thoughts..I'm in awe...

I sit and gaze at the Power and the Goodness..and the Reality of God in a person's life. I can hardly understand it because it is so foreign to my natural understanding.

I am almost always working from the position of coming out of great darkness into his marvelous light. I'm afraid my words reveal the deep hurts of the past...  It fills me with compassion for the hurting..the wounded..the lost.. I understand them so well.

The past doesn't cripple me but it can derail me if I'm not staying close to the Lord. I'm so often filled with joy..and peace. But my perspective is still that of the prodigal daughter who still can't believe I'm wearing a clean robe, and a ring on my finger. 

I marvel at the beauty of my heavenly place in my Father's house. 

Can it be real? Will it last? Surely I don't belong here.

There must be some mistake...

and yet the Lord knows I that I feel that way sometimes..That I'm timid..

and He graciously takes my hand and draws me in...

with the assurance that I'm accepted unconditionally..

Accepted in the Beloved...faults and all..failures and all...

My sinfulness looms large in my mind...

But when I read my daughter's words...and when I take time to be still and listen...

I see the light of God's love and grace...Pure, Strong..Whole...

Unshakeable...Immovable..Unconditional.

Thank you Lord for rescuing me...

Help me stay close because you know that  I simply can't walk alone...

Enter in Anew...a good song for a New Year

You are the song I'm singing.

You are the air I'm breathing.

That's why I don't mind bringing.

All I am to you.

Your Spirit is so life giving.

Your Word I am believing.

That's why I'm happy living

Unto you.

Chorus:

I will enter in anew..

into the Spirit..that is You.

I will enter in anew

and worship you.

I will enter in anew..

and give my heart to you.

I will enter in anew

in all I do!

Bridge:

I'll worship you...in all I do.

I love you!

By Donna C. Rodgers

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